


Bath time

by Wanderlust14



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, PTSD, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 01:03:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14659983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wanderlust14/pseuds/Wanderlust14
Summary: Bucky needs help after he escapes Hydra. There is only one man he can turn too.Written before Captain America: Civil War.





	Bath time

**Author's Note:**

> This was written immediately following Captain America: Winter Soldier. I'm not sure why I never posted, but I decided that it was time. After Infinity War, we all need some fluff.

He had been running from Captain America for five months and he was tired. He never had to care for himself before, never had any experience in doing it, and he knew he was not doing it right. He could feel his body weakening and longing to stop. He was an assassin, but having to stay on guard for so long was more than what he could handle. It did not help that his dreams were filled with things that were starting to feel like memories. A hodgepodge of images that did not connect, a bullet through a woman to kill a man, a cold hose spraying him down, Russian voices laughing, English voices laughing, violence, pain, a small young man that made his heart skip a beat, a smile. Every night, his nights were haunted by these things, punches and caresses, hatred and love and he could not handle it any longer. 

Captain America said he knew who he was. Captain America gave him a name. The name did not sit any better than the story of the young man in the museum, James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes. He felt no connect to this name any more than he did to the picture of that man, but he was not blind, he recognized himself in those pictures and he knew Captain America. As much as he did not remember why he knew the Captain, he could feel it deep in his core and for as much Bucky did not feel right, the idea of knowing Captain America did. Besides, he saw Captain America in his dreams, sitting next to him in a bar, fighting next to him in battle. Normally, he worked alone, but the best soldier knew when they needed help. He needed it and he had only one person to turn too.

@@@

He sat watching Captain America and the bird man sleeping in their motel room. He hated bird man and did not know why. It is why he tried to pluck the bird man’s wings. So he would go away. So Captain America would see that bird man was not useful, but it did not work. Bird man was still here, with Captain America. 

He could kill bird man now, just a quick knife to the throat, but he did not do that. He needed Captain America’s help and killing the man’s companion was not a good way to get help. Instead, he settled down in a chair and waited for them to wake up. 

@@@

Bird man woke up first and his reaction to the discovery of an extremely dangerous assassin sitting in his room almost made him chuckle, if the shouting and grabbing of his gun did not make him tense and get his knife out, ready for an attack. The shouting woke up Captain America who looked started and confused for several moments before he seemed to realize what was happening. He slowly got up out of bed and put his hands up, like one does to a frightened and deadly animal, “It’s alright, we aren’t here to hurt you.”

He was still in his crouched position, ready to escape at any moment, but his knife twitched. He came here for this man. He came here because he needed this man’s help. He came here because this man knew him as something other than a monster and somewhere, deep inside of him, he knew this man too. He looked at Captain America’s blue eyes, but could not maintain eye contact and put his weapon down.

Captain America smiled at that, “Good, good, Bucky, you-”

“I’m not Bucky!” He shouted, though it was not as forceful as it was fearful.

“Alright, what should I call you then?” Captain America asked after a beat.

He did not know how to answer that question. He was still not used to making decisions for himself and while he could decide enough to survive, picking something like that was beyond him. He curled inward as his hands buried in his hair and he tried not to panic. 

“You don’t have to decide right away,” A voice he did not recognize spoke up, bird man, “You can take some time to think about it.”

He glared at bird man and then looked Captain America, “Yes and while you are thinking about it, how about we call you James.”

James could work, there were no other emotions connected to James, emotions that overwhelmed him and made him want to hide. “Alright,” he said softly, “James.”

@@@

James followed Captain America into the apartment. Bird man, Sam and Captain America had argued about this for the entire trip back to DC, but they eventually walked away for a while and when they returned, some sort of agreement had been reached and he would be staying at Captain America’s home, in Steve’s apartment. It sounded right in his head, Steve’s apartment, and James had a feeling a lot of his memories were at Steve’s apartment. Captain America flipped on the lights and everything felt right. It felt like James had stepped back in time to a very different era and something in his chest fluttered at the sight of the furniture. Still, he immediately went around the apartment, figuring out weak points and places were an attack could happen. It took him a few minutes to realize that Captain America was not there. He immediately hurried back to the main room and found him in the kitchen putting the groceries he made them stop for away. 

Captain America looked over at him, “Finished touring the place? It isn’t big, but I like it. Would you like something to eat?”

Captain America did not give him a chance to respond, but that was alright, James did not remember how to causally chat with people. He nodded at the thought of food and perched on one of the chairs at the table, as far from Captain America as possible, just because he needed Captain America’s help did not mean he wanted to be too close to the man either. Soon eggs and bacon was placed before him. James examined the food. He did not know why he did this, but he always did, probably some training Hydra gave him. He could feel Captain America’s eyes on him. After a moment, he began to eat. He wolfed it down. He always ate quickly, never questioned why. 

When he looked up Captain America was watching him again and then Captain America smiled, “I don’t think I ever saw someone enjoy my food so much. I’m not much of a cook.”

James did not know if he enjoyed the food or not, but why argue about it. “Thank you,” He muttered as he placed the plate on the counter and moved to the other side of the room. Captain America nodded and started to hum as he began to clean up. It was all very domestic. James could not remember a time things were so domestic, but while part of him was unsure of it all, another part of him liked it. He felt comfortable with it. 

Eventually Captain America was done with everything and glanced back at James who looked at him, “Alright, James. Everything is washed up here; it is time for you to get washed up.”

James nodded; he had vague memories of getting washed before. It was never a pleasant experience, with the cold water, hard soap, and harsh hands scrubbing him down and he tried to avoid washing as much as possible. Still, even he knew it was time.

He followed Captain America into the bathroom and sat on the toilet waiting, wrapping his arms around himself. He flinched when the shower was turned on. He was so focus on the shower that he did not realize that Captain America had been watching him. “You know, I also have a bath and I think that would be better.” 

He looked over at Captain America as the man switched the water from the shower portion to the tub, “Of course, if it is a bath, it should be warm. I hope you don’t mind.”

James shook his head and Captain America went into his cabinet and pulled out a round, smelly object. “The name is oddly violent,” Captain America said, “A bath bomb, but it is nice and will make the water smell nice.”

He crushed it in his hands and dropped it in the water. Soon the bathroom began to smell of lavender. “Alright James, get undressed and I’ll get you a towel.”

James nodded as Captain America stepped out of the bathroom and he quickly took his clothes off and sat back down on the toilet. He glanced over at the water and after a moment, put his hand in it. It was warm, almost hot and he felt better knowing it was going to be warm. Captain America returned and turned off the water, “Ready?”

James nodded and got into the tub. He was stiff and tense at first, but the water and heat began to relax his muscles and the scent of lavender soothed him. He wondered why Captain America had lavender scented bath bombs, but decided not to question it. “This is the shampoo and this is the soap.” Captain said pointing to two different bottles, “If you need anything else, let me know.”

“Yes,” James said and he watched Captain America leave as he sank deeper into the water, trying to escape the cold air. 

He started to shampoo his hair when he heard another door close and voices in the main room. His heart began to race and he hurried out of the tub and into the hall. He poked his head out and saw Captain America was watching the television. Captain America looked at him, “Is everything alright?”

James looked at the television and flushed. He knew about them and saw other people watching them, but he did not think about the Captain having one too. He nodded and went back to the water. He heard a knock on the door, “James, may I come in?”

James looked over and after a few seconds the knocks came again, “James?”

“Come in.”

Captain America opened the door and James could not meet his eyes. After a moment, he heard the door shut and Captain America sit on the floor next to the bathtub. James looked over at him, “Television is an amazing thing. They no longer project the image on the screen and I am not sure how they do that. I’ve tried to ask Tony, but it still did not make sense.”

James started to relax into the water again and listened to Captain America babble on. He breathed in the lavender and allowed the warmth to sooth tired muscles. He listened to St-Captain America’s voice and it warmed a part of him that he had long forgotten. He rested there for a long time, pass the point when Captain America stopped talking and just rested as well. 

Eventually the water started to get cold and he shifted uncomfortably. Captain America’s hand went into the water and he sighed, “Come on, James, step out and I’ll put some more in. You are cleaner, but still not clean.”

James did as he was told and he watched as the dirty water slipped down the drain and soon fresh clear water appeared. “The…bath bomb?” He didn’t like that word.

Captain America nodded and put another one in and soon the place smelled of lavender again. James got back in the water and sighed at the warmth. He glanced at the Captain and the Captain was observing him as well. The taller man must have seen something in his face because he offered, “Do…do you need help to clean?”

He still had shampoo on the top of his head, he could feel it and so he accepted the Captain’s careful offer with a nod. “Will you be alright if I touch you?”

James stiffened at that. He knew there had been a time he had been touched gently. He saw the way Captain America’s hand rested on his shoulder in one of the pictures in the museum. He saw images in his dreams of touching women and them touching him back, but it had been so long since those times. What his body remembered was cruel slaps, punches, and hits. He had been in more fights than he knew about and the idea of being touched made him tense. He looked at Captain America, with his honest eyes and calm face and clung to the image of Captain America touching his shoulder in a way that had allowed him to keep smiling rather than all the other things that could happen. He nodded.

Captain America reached out slowly and gently touched his shoulder. James flinched from it, but after a moment the hand returned and remained. James’ heart began to accelerate and he felt his muscles tense up, but he breathed in the scent of lavender, felt the warm water trying to sooth, and the hand did nothing. It just remained. It took a few minutes, but soon his heart rate slowed again and relaxed back into the tub, “See, that was not so bad.” St-Captain America murmured soothingly to him, “Now I need you to tip your head back, so I can get the shampoo out of your hair. I am going to be touching it, alright?”

James nodded and did as the Captain said. At first, he flinched at every touch and movement near him, his heart skipping a beat, but slowly, St-Captain’s hands gently stroking his hair, pouring water onto it, as the other hand blocked the water from his eyes, he began to relax. The touch felt nice for a chance. He did not know how long it had been since the last time someone touched him tenderly and with kindness. It was something he savored and craved. With the soft lavender scent, warm bathwater, and a room small enough that he felt secure without feeling tapped, he felt safe. In this room, he felt like someone who had been cared about and not just some tool of mass destruction. 

Steve moved on, quietly explaining each place he was going to touch and why, as he slowly cleaned the rest of James, caring for his body. The hands were warm, wet, and with the water, almost soft. They stroked his skin and for the first time, he understood why people wanted to be touched all of the time. These hands were kind to all of him, even the metal arm, removing the dirt and grime from it. His eyes drooped and he wanted to just stay there forever. “James, it is time to get out.”

James frowned, but got out. He was wrapped in a large, soft bathrobe and snuggled deeper into it. Steve led him back to the toilet and gently began to undo the knotty mess his hair had become, still speaking quietly, his voice the music that soothed the savage beast. After a while, it was just Steve combing out his hair and massaging his scalp and James must have fallen asleep, for the next thing he was aware, he was being placed gently on a bed and wrapped up in soft blankets.

@@@

James woke up with a start, but his night had been, for the most part, dreamless. It was a nice change of pace and he felt refreshed for the first time in a long time. He was still wearing the bathrobe from last night, but found some clothes set out for him. They were all too big, but they were clean and that is what mattered. He went into the hallway and listened, but just heard Captain America’s quiet, even breathing. The man was still sleeping. He took his chance to explore the rooms more, examining everything in more detail. The thing that interested him the most was a number of books he found by Captain America’s bedside. They all dealt with handling mental conditions, especially traumatic events and post-traumatic stress disorder, though there was several on handling memory loss. James picked one up but Captain America woke up with a start making James tense and back away.

He groaned and sighed, “Sorry, you just surprised me James.”

“Sorry,” James muttered holding the book close.

Captain America looked at what he held, “You can read that if you want, but this more for friends and family. I can get you some books geared towards helping you.”

James looked down and nodded, “Alright.”

Captain America sighed and sat up in bed, patting a spot next to him, “James, come here.”

James hesitated but then moved to sit on the bed, though as far away as he could. He looked at Captain America who was watching him with sad eyes, “James, I am willing to do everything in my power to help you, but I am not a professional and I may mess up. You would be better off seeing a professional.”

James shook his head. He remembered what professionals did. He knew how they treated him and he could not believe Captain America would betray him like that. Make him go to a place like that. “No, no you can’t take me back there!”

“James, James,” the Captain said, leaning forward, “James, you don’t have to go there. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I am just saying it is an option for when you are ready.”

“I am not going!”

“You don’t have to go. You never have to go.”

James saw how serious Captain America was and nodded, taking a deep breath, “Promise?”

“I swear it to you.”

James nodded and got up, still holding the book, “Alright, alright, please, get me the book.”

“I will James.” 

With that James hurried from the room.

@@@

It was several days later after he got through two of the books Captain America had bought him, one on PTSD and one for kidnapping victims that he finally felt confident enough to approach the man about an issue he was having, “You bathe every day.”

“Yeah, I do.” Captain said; with a question clear in his voice.

“…Should I not bathe as well?”

“Oh, of course!” Captain said with a smile, “You can use the bathroom anytime you want.”

James nodded, feeling his pulse speed up at thought of the warm water, sweet lavender, and tender touches, and the idea of having them anytime he wanted. It was too good to be true, this entire thing was too good to be true, but he pushed those thoughts aside for now. 

“Thank you,” James hurried to the bathroom, disrobed, and waited for Captain to appear.

It took almost ten minutes before Captain poked his head. “Are you having trouble with the water?”

James shook his head, “No.”

“Alright…so, umm, what are you doing in here?”

“Waiting for you.”

Captain stared at him for a long moment, before replying, “You don’t need to wait for me. You may use it on your own.”

James felt disappointed at that and silently scolded himself to man up. That first experience was a gift; he should not have expected more just because Captain was so different from the people who used to control him. He heard the Captain close the door to the bathroom. Then Captain America crossed the room and turned on the water. “Of course, if you want me to be here with you, I will be, you merely have to ask.”

Captain America kept startling James. His wants did not matter. The only needs that matter were the ones that kept him in top shape to kill people. He did not know how to request stuff outside of things directly required by a mission. He did not know how to handle this. It was never part of his training, but the books said his wants did matter. The books said he mattered. Everything was so confusing and hard.

A gentle hand touched his bare knee and he flinched. Captain pulled back his hand with a guilty look, “Sorry James, it is just me, come on, stay with me.”

James realized the bath was ready and he felt something relax in him. This was a good thing. He quickly removed the towel and stepped into the blissfully warm heat of the water. Captain watched him for a moment before smiling, “Should I stay?”

James nodded hesitatingly and handed Captain the soap and sponge. Captain grinned at that and got the cup before sitting down next to James. James breathed in deeply and smelt the soothing lavender scent again, perfuming the water. He leaned back and Captain America started to care for him again, giving him those gentle touches that he stopped flinching by the time his hair was finished. Steve’s large hands made him feel safe here rather than tense, waiting for them to hit him. Even though they had hit him in the past, he knew it was not because Steve wanted too. As soon as Steve could he stopped hitting James and had been ready to die than fight back. James remembered how confused he was by what Steve did that day. He remembered watching him fall and knowing he could not allow this man to die. He did not know why, but as Steve fell, he felt sick at the idea of there not being a Captain America in the world, the very idea made him shutter. He glanced at Steve’s face. The man seemed at peace as well, as his voice told him everything he was about to do and why. Steve saw his glance and winked at him, “Ready to get out?”

No, he wanted to stay here forever with this man, like this, but he knew it could not be so. He nodded and soon he was bundled up in that fluffy robe again and was having his hair brushed out again. It was a pain that it was so long. He thought about cutting it for the first time. Far too soon, it was over and Steve escorted him to bed. “Good night James.”

“Good night…Steve.”

The look on Steve’s face made his heart skip a beat. Steve stroked his hair for a moment and then departed from the room, turning the lights off. 

@@@

James had good days and bad days. Days were he remembered the good times, times with Steve when Steve was little and days were all he could see was the blood covering his hands. There were days were he just wanted to end everything and he was just grateful Steve did not give up on him, held him as he wept and made the darkness not seem so dark. He did eventual start talking to Sam and a man name Bruce. The men were not so bad and found they had a lot of wise things to say. They both encouraged him to see a professional, but he was just not ready for that yet and neither one pressured him into anything. Healing took time and he thanked whatever was out there that Steve was there for him, that he had found Steve again after so many years. 

It was months later and he was watching the recap of Steve speaking before Congress. The man had his normal confidence, but James could see that he was stress. It was not obvious, but in the little movements that Steve made that told him. He knew he saw them before, he just could not remember where he saw them, but he knew it. James was frustrated with not remembering, but then he understood he had to be patient. He had gotten back many memories and these would return as well. The door was open and Steve shut it, hard. He heard Steve sigh and then he gave James a weak grin, “Days like these make me wish I could actually get drunk. I am going to take a bath, order something; anything will be fine with me.”

Steve departed from the living room and James heard him walk into his bedroom, before he went into the bathroom. The water started. James sat there, minding whirling as he listened to the water. He did not know if he should do anything. He knew he was a burden on Steve and his presence might not relax Steve. At the same time, Steve had done so much for him and he knew how good it felt to have someone there. The water stopped and after hesitating another moment, James got up and walked to the bathroom, poking his head in. 

Steve was already in the water, his eyes closed. It seemed like something was off from when he took his bathes, but he could not figure it out. He seemed to sense James’s presence and turned to look at him. He tensed for a moment, before relaxing again, “Everything alright?”

“Yes.”

“Alright…” Steve looked at him, “Well…you can use the bathroom after me.”

James realized what was wrong and walked in and grabbed one of the lavender bath bombs Steve always had for him. They were starting to try other scents as well, but lavender was his favorite so far. He crumbled it up easily in his metal hand and put it into the water, before he restarted the water so it would dissolve. Already, the water was starting to smell of lavender and he felt good and he hoped it would help Steve too. He turned and looked at Steve, who had a strange look on his face, before he smiled, “Thank you James.”

James’s lips twitched into a smile and Steve’s smile grew brighter. James settled down next to the tub. He did not know if Steve was going to wash, he usually took showers in the mornings, but it was nice to be here, to be the one taking care of Steve. He had enough memories of doing that and even though he could no longer be the physical protector, he knew there were other ways he could help him. It was not quiet like it normally was, with Steve only talking about what he was doing, but Steve venting his annoyance with what happened. James nodded and hummed and it was nice. 

After a while, Steve got out of his tub and James got the fluffy robe that he normally wore and put it on Steve. As he tied it shut, Steve put a careful hand on his shoulder and he looked up at him. Steve’s smile was gentle, “Thank you, James. You have no idea how much that helped.”

“It was the least I could do.”

Steve let out a huff of laughter and gave him a one armed hug. James stiffened for a moment, before returning it. James was grateful for Steve only using one arm, he was not comfortable with contact that constricted his motions, but as he breathed in the light lavender scent, he began to relax. He felt Steve press his lips to his temple, “The only thing you need to do is continue healing. Everything else is a wonderful bonus.”

James nodded and then pulled away; starting to feel overwhelmed with emotions he was not ready to handle yet. Steve let him go and James walked out of the room before hesitating and looking back in, “I know, but I would like to help you some time. You’re my best friend.”

Steve looked startled, but in the best kind of way and James fled to the bedroom and closed the door behind him, locking it. He looked at his metal hand and sniffed, breathing in the soft scent of lavender, making the hand suddenly a lot less intimidating than before. He was smiling. Bucky did not regret it.

**Author's Note:**

> Why does Steve have bath bombs? Being a super soldier can be exhausting and even he needs to relax sometimes. Also, I have a feeling that while Steve was searching Bucky, he was absolutely reading up on PTSD with Sam's help.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Another Life, Another Love (Stucky)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14713512) by [majesticdragonair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesticdragonair/pseuds/majesticdragonair)




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